Sick & Tired
It's been a while since my last entry. A lot has happened, the Sunday after I got Wesley out of the hospital, I had to leave work to rush my daughter to the hospital ER, where we were told she had torn ligaments in her foot at her second job. Surgery would not be required, but crutches would, making it almost impossible for her to do her first and second jobs...mainly, her first and more paying job. Well, that is what families are for, and we will get through it, together, and do what we need to do.

The next day, I started not feeling so hot myself, probably just catching the cold that my husband has had for the past week, either that or a severe case of allergies (small wonder with all the dust in our house from the sawdust, sheetrock dust, etc.) It wasn't too bad though...not until the next day, however, then it really got nasty. That is when I really got to feeling sick, real sick. It felt like the worst cold imaginable. I was wrong. Pneumonia, the doctor tells me. I told him just load me up on the antibiotics and whatever he wanted to give me in the hospital and send me home, because I could do it there. I press on, for what else can I do? There is still so much that must be done.

The guy that lives in Harvey, LA, that took $2400 of our money to do the work on the exterior of our house basically riped us off. He hasn't shown back up, never produced the supplies he was supposed to have brought, never got a crew over here, and the only time he ever came over was a total of 4 days, for a total of 3 1/2 to 4 hours each after I threatened to have him thrown in jail. Now, his cellphone has been disconnected and his family no longer answers the home phone.

I've lodged formal complaints with the Better Business Bureau of GNO, the Attorney General of the State of Louisiana, and sent copies of all this to the local Sherriff's office, as well as to the Jefferson Parish Sherriff's office since that is where he lives at. I sent a certified-return receipt requested letter requesting a return of my money within 14 days for a failure to honor the contract or I will take him to small claims court, but in all honesty, with the court systems backed up down here like they are...there is no telling when I could get it on the docket. In the meantime, the rainy season is approaching, and it is only 2 months before hurricane season is back. I don't have time to wait.

What is more maddening, is that the work on the inside cannot be completed until the exterior work is done because it was the lack of exterior protection that first caused the interior damage when we had Hurricane Katrina. Add to that, that by giving Raul the $2400, I now do not have the money to give to another contractor to complete the work. That means me. I will have to do it. Learn on the job, I guess. Not exactly my area, but I've been studying up on it, and watching others closely.

I bought my full face respirator, protective clothing, and as soon as I am off these breathing treatments...I'm on it. My husband is furious, and wants me to promise not to climb the ladder to do it, but I just can't do that. It has to be done, and there is only so much money, and I don't want him to try to do it, so that leaves me.

I'm convinced this house, much as I love it, is slowly but surely killing us. Between the dust that we are breathing in during this repair phase (24 hours a day!!!!) I mean...sure, you wear a respirator during the time you are sanding or cutting and all, but you can't wear one when you are sleeping, or eating or just sitting around at night and watching television. We'd made a point of making sure that all surfaces of this house had a safe latex paint on it, which was especially important since it was over 170+ years old, to insure that if over the years previous owners had ever used lead based paint, it would be covered.

Last summer before the hurricane, we had the boys' blood levels checked for lead, and they were negative. They had lived with us for 4 years. Now with the destroyed wall and ceiling in the library, and the resulting restorational work, our 1 year old granddaughter has been over to our house, and has loved up on her daddy after he worked on the room. Her blood level was just tested as part of a routine exam. Her blood levels were high. Now both the state of Mississippi and Louisiana will have to follow up on it.

I'm sure that when that wall and ceiling came down, all those layers of protection came down with it. Plus, we've been stripping off all the 170+ years of paint off the 12" baseboards, door trims, window trims and transoms. Dust, dust, dust, dust, dust....

And what about all the homes in New Orleans...heck, the entire gulf coast that were hit by the storm? How much lead poisoning is in the ground now? How much everything is in the ground now?

I'm tired. I'm tired to the bone.

The other day, I actually heard the words leave my mouth..."I'm ready to just sell this house for whatever we could get for it, and move." I could scarcely believe I'd said it, but I had. My husband told me that I didn't mean it, that I loved this house. I told him that I did. I do love this house, or rather, I did, but that I will never be able to get it fixed, we've been ripped off, I can't afford to fix it like it needs and deserves, I can't seem to get the workers to show up like they were supposed to, and the job that was supposed to take 2-3 weeks to do inside, had now gone on since the first week of January...making it so far... 2 months, and that I was convinced is what was making us all so sick. AND I could see no end in sight.

He said well, if I sold the house, what would I want to do, and I told him...... "leave New Orleans". I can't have the house of my dreams, in the neighborhood like I'd always wanted, and I hate the job I've been resigned to do, and if I am going to have to stay in nursing anyway, I could do that anywhere, and not where I'd have to either be stuck in another situation of making a decision of sticking with patients vs. family or losing my license. It's just becoming too much.

He told me that I just don't feel good. That the house will get done. The job will get better. Everything will work out. He's becoming the cheerleader.

For the first time...I just don't know. I know if we stay, I need to dig my heels in and set my jaw and stop feeling this way. I knew this was going to be hard work. Of course, at this point, we don't even know if there will be a New Orleans. This may all be a moot point. Between global warming, losing coastal wetlands, a sinking soil and city, the Corps may not be able to do anything anyway...