True Friends
Some people claim to have a lot of friends, and perhaps they do. Maybe they have that kind of personality that just lends themselves to attracting and retaining people like that, or maybe they define "friend" differently than I do.

I have a lot of acquaintances, but very few people I would call "friend".

To me, friends are the people that you could be comfortable telling your innermost thoughts to and not even have to say "now please don't repeat this to anyone", because it's already a given that words spoken between yourselves are not repeated. A friend is someone who sees all your flaws and imperfections and accepts you none the less, and maybe even finds the humor or even loves the weirdness about you in some of your idiocyncrises. A friend is someone that you have shared a past with and built pet expressions that outsiders would never understand and old shared jokes that only friends will remember when a certain word or expression is coined or a look is given. A friend is someone you could call at 3 o'clock in the morning and ask them to come and pick you up because you are needing to get away from whatever or whoever, and know that they would be there. A friend is someone that has that shoulder to lean on, to listen to you ramble on and on during those times you would drive anyone else to the brink of drinking or to driving their car over a cliff...the friend would listen...over and over and over again. Sometimes the friend would give suggestions on what might help, or they might do some action to help, or sometimes a friend would just hold you until you figure out what you need to do for yourself. A friend never betrays you or what you have confided and they will always be there for you, even when they are silent and in the background...you still know they are there. A friend makes the time for you. Years may go by, distance may separate you, but you know the bond is still there.

I am blessed. I have this in my life. It's true, that there are not many, but the ones that I have are fiercely loyal and there is a bond between us that I am not sure that can be described to those outside it. It is something that has to be experienced to be understood, and if you've experienced it, then no explanations are necessary.

This is something I tried to teach to my daughter from the time she was a child, to judge her friendships carefully, and not be too cavalier with her trust. It was hard to see her get hurt by those that she thought were her friends, only to find out that they either wanted to use her or were "temporary friends" until someone newer or more popular came along. Parents always want better for their children, and want to spare them the heartache that they themselves had to go through, but I suppose this was a rite of passage that all children had to go through. Still, it tore my heart out to see her come home in tears because someone that she thought was her friend had betrayed a confidence and had hurt her.

She witnessed my own betrayals occur over the years as she grew older, usually at my workplace. I found that with my position, being one of Administration, this created a problem to try and form any kind of friendship at work because there are always those that want to get what you have, and they will try to do it at your expense, and even if it means trying to step on you to get there. There is probably a lesson there too, never attempt to try to entertain the concept of ANY kind of friendship in your work environment, unless you are on equal status. Keep work and home separate, which I later found works best for me anyway, but that's for another blog.

My daughter witnessed the beauty of the more rare and treasured friendships as she was growing up, however. And it gave her an idea of what true friendship was supposed to be about.

My father always told me that "if you could count your friends on one hand, you have a lot." I know what he meant. He meant true friends. He had that in his life. My mother has it, probably on both hands! But you'd have to meet my mother...she's as close to a saint as they come, so it's small wonder.

As for me, I have my small circle, but oh what a circle it is. My circle is pure as gold and more treasured than any jewelry I could ever be given. (And for those of you that know me...THAT speaks volumes! LOL)

I admire one of these friends tremendously. He is a very rare and unique individual. I've known him since I was 3 years old and he was 4 years old. Let's just say...it's been a while, okay? I love him dearly as though he were a part of myself. He IS a part of me.

I admire the way that early in life, while so many of us floundered around, he really found himself and what he wanted out of a relationship...or rather, what he would and would not be able to compromise with, and he didn't make the mistake of settling for something less. He is still looking, but he remains true to himself. It took the rest of us so much longer to figure all of this out. He is funny, one of the smartest people I know, has an edginess about him that keeps me on my toes, and although I am convinced he has obsessive compulsive behavior, he isn't perfect, so we are able to be friends. He cares about those in his life, and I am privileged to be one of those.

He is just one example.

Some of my other friends happen to be family members, but they are also friends.

I grew up very much a tomboy, riding dirt bikes, deer hunting from the time I was 2 years old, and carrying my own gun by the time I was 8, hunting and fishing with my Daddy, scuba diving, etc. Pretty much all of my interests were "boy things" and I caught a lot of flack for hunting Bambi from girls when I was growing up.

During my elementary school and early teen years, I was more involved in helping my father reload ammunition instead of applying makeup and learning how to do my hair like other young girls were doing, so I didn't really fit in with them as well as I did with the boys. It may be the reason why still to this day, I find myself not really caring to be around most women too much.

The few times I have tried to form friendships with females, I have found them to be catty and generally backstabbing. At least with a guy, if he gets mad at you, he lets you know it and why he is mad at you, whereas a woman will generally go to everyone else except you...tell all of them why she is mad, and then one of them will come to you and tell you what the problem is, and by the time you confront the one that was upset, now it is all blown up and out of proportion.

I find I even prefer to work with men for the same reasons. It just seems easier. Besides, I am still a tomboy. I still like bikes, only I ride Harleys instead of dirt bikes now, and I still love to scuba dive, hunt and all....but I do wear the makeup and fix my hair now, but I guess that is why I still prefer the company of men over most women. We have more in common.

The two unfailing exceptions to this rule, however, were two women that I met after moving to New Orleans, and women that I worked with, one indirectly at one hospital and one that came to work for me at my hospital. I have tremendous respect for both of them, and miss them both a great deal now that they have moved to that foreign country named "Texas".

I feel that they fit the above described definition of a friend, however, they would both be limited to the abilities to "be there" because of logistics and financial responsibilities to their families...but they are friends, and I miss them.

One of them was in charge of the Oncology Dept at the hospital that I was in charge of the Neuro/Ortho/Med-Surg Dept. She has got one of the quickest minds and sharpest wits I have been around in a long time. I enjoyed having to challenge myself to keep up with her. She is a compassionate person that cares about everyone at her workplace (patients and staff alike) and loves her husband and two children like crazy. She was a refuge in the storm at the hospital and during some tough times when some bad news came home here. She was a rock and never minded when I called her. She forged information for me when my husband was diagnosed with cancer. She let me vent frustrations and fears when I didn't dare at home when he had so much to bare already. We'd sneak across the street to have lunch and vent about idiot things that took place at work. It was great. Being on the "essential employee list", we even rode out a few hurricanes at the hospital before Katrina, that thankfully, passed us by. I miss her.

The other female that I can count as a friend was one that I met at that hospital and then convinced to come to work for me at the hospital I had opened up in New Orleans east.

She was a delight. Again, funny, and very intelligent. I think these two things must somehow be requirements for my likings, as they always seem to show up as the first things I notice in someone. She has a devotion to her children that is beautiful to see...something that I admire. She worked her behind off and had her priorities straight in life, yet was so young. Very impressive. You see that in people, but generally not in someone young. I can't think of anyone that I enjoyed working with so much. We were quite a team.

Yes, I would say that all in all, though the numbers are not great...I am really a very lucky woman. I learned early on what true friendship was, how valuable it is, how much it should be treasured, and not to take it lightly. I don't use the term "friend" loosely...it holds a special place in my heart...it has to be earned.